How to go into a doctor’s appointment with a plan.
Tips on how to help them help us.
Laura Herrera
Jan 16, 2021· 8 min read
Photo by David Travis on Unsplash
We start off in life by going to doctor’s appointments as children with our parents or guardians. We sit there being poked and prodded and our parents being asked questions that we don’t understand. We leave doctor’s offices, hospitals, testing facilities with the care plan given by the doctors and facilitated by our parents. As we grow up and transition into adulthood, many of us weren’t taught or know how to shift from being an adolescent in front of doctors to now becoming an advocate for our selves. Many of us go from a child to an adult never understanding that the roles have shifted to now becoming an equal. Let me explain in a different way- many of us may still see ourselves as a child in front of doctors at the mercy of their hands in order to help us. This can cause many people to not have the tools to help in speaking up and communicating in a way that can help doctors in return help us. Many fear going to doctors appointments, which can stem from a vast amount of fears. Some may include being scared of a life-changing diagnosis- to some being afraid of not being heard because of past experiences, etc. Whatever your fear(s) may be, I want you to know it is possible to gain a confidence and self-acknowledgment that you deserve the best care from health care professionals. I have known many people including myself that have gone through illnesses and diseases who have not felt heard by doctors and have spent years trying to find help in being diagnosed etc. Many of us could have benefited if we were taught early on how to self advocate.
Part of my story:
I went through 7 years being in and out of ER’s and many different doctor’s offices trying to get help in understanding what was going on in my body. I felt unheard, helpless, frustrated, and alone. It wasn’t until about the 7th year that I was blessed to be able to be taught by a doctor on how to start advocating for myself. She taught me a way that helped me assist doctors in hearing me. This also helped me take control of how I sought after help in being diagnosed and treated for the disease(s) Endometriosis and it’s sister disease Adenomyosis. The tools she taught are so basic, but I can say they are tools I never thought of in the moment while trying to plead to doctors for help all those years prior.
During this time in 2013, I worked in Chicago for a digital healthcare technology startup that provided patients in the U.S. the ability to call and be set up with testing facilities and aftercare telehealth calls with doctors. Today this has become the new normal, however, at that time it was not a well-known type of practice in the industry. I am so grateful I worked there for so many reasons and one, in particular, is because of the care I saw in the doctors and how we as care advisors to patients were taught on how to help patients over the phone in their testing needs and after testing procedures. Where I worked specialized only in one field of testing and care. This did not include the area I needed help in figuring out why for years I had been going through debilitating pain from the female organs and had put me in the hospital many times. I often would get symptoms at work that would hinder my job and thankfully I had a wonderful manager that would assist me to another room, turn the lights off and let me be alone until the pain and sometimes vomiting from the pain would pass. One particular day through the inner emotional turmoil of going through something that no doctor had been able to figure out yet, I had an emotional breakdown at work. My manager asked our in house doctor to sit with me. I knew this doctor but never sat down with her about my needs because I knew she didn’t practice in the field I needed and honestly I had a fear of doctors. I grew up not knowing how to talk to them and seeing them as superior as me. I think I was brought up to feel they were above me. What I learned from that meeting was that I did not have to fear doctors and that they are caring human beings that want to help but need our help in helping us. As I sat and cried to her while sharing my story and my hopelessness, she held my hand and looked me in the eyes, and had compassion. This was the first time I had ever been made to feel like what I was going through mattered and that I wasn’t a number. She let me know that she personally couldn’t help me because she didn’t practice in the field I needed, however, she was going to help me advocate for myself and refer me to doctors who did work in the area I needed. She instilled hope in me and gave me the following tools to speak up for myself. She grabbed a piece of paper and pen and said, “Ok, I want you to tell me EVERYTHING you have gone through and I’m going to write it down.” That gesture alone was powerful to me. You can say she basically took my hand and walked beside me. I didn’t feel alone in that moment for the first time.
She asked me many questions and I want to share a few that I remember:
Questions to ask yourself:
What are my symptoms (name every one, even if you don’t think it is important)
How long does each last
When did my symptoms start
What kind of tests have I already done
How many doctors have I been to
How many hospital visits have I had for this
What have I researched already for myself and would like to discuss with the doctor
She helped me understand how important it is to bring everything in front of a doctor no matter how big or how small you may think it is.
She told me to have something on hand to keep an ongoing list whenever a new memory pops up so that I could jot it down. She took the pressure off of me to remember everything in the moment and she told me that this would allow me to keep adding to the list as time goes on.
Since that life-changing sit down with her I have used the tools she taught me in advocating for myself in any and every doctor appointment I’ve ever gone into. It has helped me to feel confident that I deserve great care and it has helped me at times change doctors when I didn’t feel listened to or helped in the best way possible. These tools helped me in the end get the best care possible once I did find a doctor/specialist who understood the disease I was going through and helped treat me successfully. I also use these tools for every kind of doctor appointment I go to- even if it is for just a cold or earache symptoms. Nothing too big or too small gets left when seeking care from a doctor for something I need help with now.
Few tips I learned along the way to do just this:
Find whatever works best for you.
Keep either a journal of all the symptoms and questions I posted above.
Or place notes in a phone or computer where you can keep track of and add to.
Make sure you take your notes to your doctor’s appointment. (I know this sounds obvious, but it can be easy to forget to either print out your notes, take your journal or bring your notes on your phone etc. You got this :) You can remember!)
Seek care from a doctor who is patient with you and allows you to go through your entire list. Someone who hears you and assists you.
In addition to the notes you have placed- add questions you have for the doctor as well. (Going to a doctor’s appointment in general can be overwhelming. It is hard to remember everything in the moment. This is why it is important to have a list of the questions you have asked yourself and questions you have for the doctor.)
Questions for the doctor can be tailored to your treatment plan, surgery possibilities/plan pre-op and post op etc.
If you must- bring a piece of paper where you can write down the answers from the doctor while at the appointment or add bullet points to help you remember key things.
Bring a friend, family member, or loved one to the appointment that you feel comfortable with and are allowed to by the doctor. This allows another pair of listening ears in case you didn’t hear everything or grasp everything.
Stay encouraged.
Go in with an open mind, hopeful, and that you deserve the best care possible.
In any healthcare situation, it can either be a short time or a long duration. Seek hope in the midst of the journey. But in the midst of the journey allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to have emotions and process those emotions. Advocate for yourself.
There will never be a perfect appointment so don’t feel the need to put pressure on yourself to make it important. The key is to go into an appointment with a plan, share your symptoms, concerns, and questions-to be heard and given a plan for care and treatment. If you aren’t felt heard, rushed or tart asking yourself if it is time to seek help elsewhere. You are in the driver’s and deserve the best care. For anyone that doesn’t want to hear you or make you feel heard- there is another doctor out that that does want to.
I am happy to say I’ve not only put these tools into practice but I’ve also helped friends do the same in getting the best care possible for their health situations and surgery needs. At times it has caused a few to interview multiple doctors before deciding on who they felt the most peace in continuing with their care.
I am confident it can help you as well. Once you start learning tools to advocate for yourself- doors open up and you see your health, time, and desire to be heard and cared for by the best “healthcare physicians” out there a possibility.
Laura Herrera, writes on topics in order for others to find ways they can help bridge the gap between themselves, their family, loved ones and medical professionals. She knows what it’s like to go through all the turmoil- to feel like you are just trying to keep your head above water.
Be encouraged, what you are going through matters.
What are some of the topics you would like to read relating to chronic diseases and health in general?