Why it’s so important to love yourself while going through a chronic disease.
Ways to do so.
Laura Herrera
Nov 21, 2020· 7 min read
Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash
What is grace?
We give it to others all the time to those we love.
However, do we give it to ourselves? What does that look like to extend grace to ourselves?
Grace:
Approval, favor
Disposition to or an act or instance of kindness
A temporary exemption: reprieve
Ease and suppleness of movement or bearing
The quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful
Synonyms:
Courtesy
Favor
Kindness
Mercy
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/grace#examples
In the context of going through a chronic disease, I believe grace and extending love for yourself go hand in hand.
Loving yourself is important while battling a disease or chronic illness because love for yourself has the power to extend support and grace when needed most.
I’m sharing this topic with you because I battled two diseases for 11 years- Endometriosis and Adenomyosis. I would go through debilitating pain out of nowhere and it would last for hours. At times when it was at it’s worse it would make me vomit from the pain and it would continue uncontrollably until I would get help from the hospital. I was in and out of hospitals, ERs, doctors offices, I went through countless tests and failed treatments, went through multiple doctors. In the end I traveled states away to New York to get the help and treatment with two separate surgeries from a specialist. I fought and fought what felt like an endless battle for years to be heard and to figure out what I was going through physically. My physical health didn’t just suffer, but also my mental health, my relationships with my loved ones and friends and most importantly my relationship with myself. I felt alone and little by little I was losing parts of myself in the process.
(For my full story- read my article)
https://lauraherreratopics.com/endometriosis-my-story/
I lost a piece of myself. I felt as if I was drowning and I was just constantly trying to keep my head above water. I lived my life just trying to survive for so long. It took a toll on my emotions, my life, my friendships, and relationships. A lot of times I was hoping they could fix me or unintentionally I was putting some people in the role of emotionally saving me. I did things and was in certain people’s lives to numb the emotional pain.
I battled within myself constantly. This is my fault. Why am I going through this? No one will want to stay my friend if I am unreliable. No man will want to love me or stay with me going through this disease. No one wants to know what emotionally I’m going through.
The definition for Grace above, yeah I wasn’t giving myself that at ALL!
It is easy to feel so alone going through a chronic disease for so many reasons. Maybe you are going through some similar things I mentioned above that I went through.
Now here’s the part of grace:
Ask yourself these questions:
What are the little things that make me happy?
Embrace yourself. Imagine giving yourself a hug- A FULL-ON EMBRACE. This can be so powerful. For many of us- we haven’t known how to ask for support or just a plain o hug if needed. And or we have been met with less support than what we hoped for when we have asked for it.
Let me ask you, have you extended that support to yourself that you so desperately need? I’m guessing most likely it hasn’t been often or if any. Take a moment and step back and see yourself separate from the disease. That disease doesn’t define you. You first and foremost are a human being, with emotions and needs. Even though the disease can and probably has wreaked havoc in your life, you are not the disease.
If I can share some support that I wish I would have told myself through the emotional pain:
You need to know it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault that you are going through this. It is not your fault doctors haven’t found a cure yet. It is not your fault that you are fine one moment and not the next. It is not your fault that loved ones and friends do not understand what you are going through. It is not your fault that you have found it hard to talk about these things with others.
Sometimes a person going through a disease can go through a lot of shame.
Shame:
A condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shame
Hmm that’s interesting- Shame in this definition is the opposite of grace. It clearly states it as disgrace. WOW.
It can be subtle. Maybe you put the shame on yourself or it’s crept up on you over time through things you’ve been put through in relationships. Not feeling heard can bring on much pain and for some, they can internalize it and feel they are at fault. That was the case with me. Is this the case with you? If so, I break shame off of you right now. As stated above, this is not your fault. You didn’t ask for this disease. If you need to, go back and read the few paragraphs above again to yourself.
If you aren’t going through or haven’t experienced any shame associated with this disease, what have you experienced that has hindered your walk-in loving yourself?
Once we pinpoint things, it is the first step in healing and finding ways to love yourself through this.
Sit down and take a moment to write down things that have hindered you in loving yourself through this?
If you need a friend or loved one as a support system, ask them to sit by your side. You may need a moment to process what these things are and that is ok, you’ve been through a lot. Cry if need be, the point is to release what has been holding you back. Continue reading because there is hope, continue for the next steps.
Have you written these down? GREAT.
Now, sit down and take a moment to write out the following questions. Continue with more questions to ask yourself when they come up.
What are a few things I enjoy doing?
This can be big things or little things. Just a few little things, which can be so simple.
Maybe it’s watching a sunrise
Maybe it’s watching a sunset
Maybe it’s reading a book
What are a few things I enjoy listening to?
Maybe it’s a podcast
Maybe it’s a audible book
Maybe it’s music
Maybe you like listening to a record on a nice record player
Maybe you like to put something on your phone or tv to play while cooking
What are things you’ve wanted to do or places you’ve wanted to go to, but have told yourself you can’t because of the disease?
Maybe you’ve wanted to take a class in something.
Well, how about trying it? Don’t be afraid to inform the teacher ahead of time that you deal with a chronic illness and there may be times you cannot be a part of the class etc. If you bring this up and it’s not a good fit with them, then try another or think about starting off smaller. Point is, don’t let this disease stop you from trying something.
Maybe you’ve always wanted to go to…………..(name your place)
However, you’ve been afraid of symptoms coming on. Ok that is understandable, however, what can you do to modify this or put things in place where if you do go through symptoms while there, you can take a break and attend to your needs before carrying on? Who is it that can go with you and help you experience some part of your dream of going to that place? What would you need to tell them before making arrangements to go? Maybe you need to rent a wheel chair just in case. Etc. Start thinking of ways outside the box.
The list is endless my friends and whatever you have in your heart of what you want to do or go to, it’s ok to have those desires. Please don’t extinguish those desires or dreams.
Key here is take moments for yourself within feasible limits.
In my situation, I was fine one moment and then it could come on out of nowhere where I wasn’t. I wish I would have allowed myself more opportunities to do things I loved to do. I battled fears so many times that held me back. Fears like- I can’t go after this dream, goal or desire because what if I fail due to the disease? What if I’m unreliable? What if I go through random pain? What if I can’t continue through the trip? What if I mess up someone’s day if I have to rest. On and on.
Love yourself to where you are right now. Be gentle and gracious to yourself. Look for ways to modify and love yourself through it so you can still experience the things that you enjoy or have always wanted to do. Be kind to yourself, you may plan to do something you love and a bout of symptoms come out of nowhere. Take a moment and tell yourself it’s not your fault, stop and take the time you need to work through the symptoms or do things to help with the symptoms. Try again later to do what you were in the middle of doing for yourself.
Stay encouraged my friends. You are not alone. You do not have to feel alone. You deserve love. You deserve love towards yourself.
What topics would you like me to discuss on?